- Uncategorized

Bonehill Road

Sounds like a good old fashioned, not trying to be clever, horror, which is nice. 

The music does not fill me with confidence. Feels like it’s off the shelf. Special makeup effects by Mike Wulff? It’s like when John de Wolf joined Wolves.

Nominative determination at its best

There’s a lot of credits. There’s a lot of producers. Todd Sheets wrote, edited and directed. That’s three sheets…

This chap sure likes his effing and jeffing. 

That was a Reeves and Mortimer frying pan hit.

No you lying get
Spang!

He didn’t seem desperate to catch them. Probably had some more swearing to do. 

Was that shot of a phone charger on the counter to explain away the absence of a phone later?

My God. That “probably a werewolf” guy looks a lot like the creepy looking guy from town. Also reminds me a bit of Brian from Spaced. He’s wearing a tie with no jacket or waistcoat. Terrible look.

The dad’s a werewolf t… Oh. Got that revelation wrong. She’s pregnant. Disappointing. Was trying to figure out which Werewolf tribe he’d be in. Bone Gnawers? I reckon sweary guy in a white vest would be a Bone Gnawer.

Yep. Charger being left was mentioned. Dude, you showed it enough so that the audience knew. You could have trusted yourself and them that the shot was enough.

This wine is easy going. Strong notes of raspberry.

The director has gambled by only having two characters. Ordinarily, a film like this, you need expendable victims.

Shouldn’t a werewolf be able to track its victims by scent?

I’ve always preferred werewolves to vampires. Vampires are too mopey.

I mean, really. What is this sparkly bollocks?

Old time vaudevillesque music, because… Oh. I dunno. It’s a bit creepy.

Ah. We have our expendable victims. 

He knows kitchen-fu. The martial art I just made up, based on things you find in the kitchen. The towel-disarm is a high level move.

Her insides went outside.

I don’t think creepy guy is a werewolf. He’s just a serial killer thrown in for the same reason the music was.

The werewolves don’t seem to be that big a deal in this. 

One side of his collar is outside of his tie. He deserves to die.

If you don’t know some meat was human flesh, would you know when you ate it? A diet of human flesh is supposed to yellow the skin. Is that because you don’t get certain things the body needs, or is it because of something in the meat? Asking for a friend. I’m a veggie.

Serial Killer’s overacting annoys me.

This is a serial killer film with werewolf sprinkles.

Fox News Twitter is silent this evening. Some of these reviews are a document in time, like http://corkingmovies.com/reviews/gehenna-where-death-lives/. Let’s see how the story develops (Gehenna looked like war. It wasn’t. This looks like indictment sober edit – it wasn’t).

Is Granddad going to be like Lost Boys? 

One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach; all the damn vampires.

Some of the gore effects are top notch.

Oh. Werewolves are supposed to be the deus ex machina that allows them to escape. 

Not sure which is meant to be the important one. Werewolves or serial killer.

Granddad reports his own trouble before his daughter and granddaughter. My father wouldn’t do that. To be honest, he’d probably rescue my son, then he and my mother would take him to the beach and give him a wonderful time and email some photos to me. Only I’d be dead. Or a werewolf.

Love how granddad is very specific about the wood required. 

I think this was supposed to be a film about how mothers protect their babies, but sacrificing yourself when you are pregnant destroys that from a narrative sense, and having unnecessary boobs destroys it from a thematic one. I’m not a prude. Loved 80s horror, but if you’ve got a message, make sure you don’t do things to trash it (sober edit http://corkingmovies.com/uncategorized/monsters-dark-continent-drunk-review/ was a good example of this).

Daughter just went on about how she’d worried about her friends and school, but she never mentioned it! Show, don’t tell.

Montaaaaage!

Space Ghost
Montaaaaaage

Music at the end is like a crap Evanescence.

Who did the catering? Not asked that for a while. Feel the need to bring it back. The people involved deserve a cheeky Nando’s at best. Was it Jill Pancake? Hmph. No catering.

There’s a post credits scene. It may be the worst bit.