A guest review by Spencer Hackett
Final Score, a review that doesn’t have a final score.
Let’s see how the latest Sky Cinema original (not as catchy as Netflix originals) fairs. Final Score is a new Dave Batista action thriller that’s basically Die Hard in a football stadium. Co starring Ray Stevenson (Punisher War Zone, a great film) and Pierce Brosnan in what’s very much a “and/with” role, Batista has to stop a terror attack at West Ham’s ground. It’s directed by Scott Mann who worked with Batista on Heist, a not greatly received De Niro picture. I’ll set my stall out, this didn’t look great to start with, especially given sky’s dodgy track record with previous attempts Hurricane Heist and Anon. However I have a soft spot for Batista and think he is a genuinely engaging screen presence. There are spoilers coming up, so if you want to miss that jump to the long block of text at the bottom for my overall thoughts. Also I hate auto correct for constantly changing Batista to Barista, so I’m sorry if that shows up at all.
This is a lot of production companies.
Is Sokovia a real place? I thought it was just in Marvel, perhaps I misheard.
Please don’t let this be another film that’s really really dark.
“Sorry, did you not hear me?” No cus you’re mixed really badly and Batista’s panicked breathing is louder than you. Also this is fairly brutal (post viewing: what was the point of this scene? I may of missed something but how did he already know the evil people and escape from them and we didn’t see it and no one recognised each other? I’m more confused now having finished the film)
Batista hates football, this is like how John McClaine hates anywhere he ends up in Die Hard. Also West Ham must have paid them a lot to have them constantly say West Ham.
Of course the cockney family own a pub.
Ah so football was important to his dead soldier mate who’s kid he’s look after. Emotional stakes and all.
Why’s it doing that fade to black thing trailers do?
Ah it’s a Euro game, that makes sense. Even the Russian fans are evil it appears. Wait a minute, West Ham are in playing in the Europe??? (Post viewing edit: The Russian fans being violent never came up again, guess it was just setting the scene)
Stereotypical “she’s well fit” chavy kid.
So it’s the last game at the ground, is this so we can destroy it through the course of the film?
This does feel like someone wrote this who only has a vague knowledge of football.
God there is some appalling acting/dialogue. The kid went from being mad hype about footy to depressed about her dead dad in the blink of the eye.
Can you rewind live cameras? Surely they’d stop recording more live footage, also it only went back about 5 seconds.
More stuff stolen from Die Hard, this time Die Hard With a Vengeance. Got the bad man and bad woman have inappropriate sexy time together during the badness, also the guy has arms like tree trunks and a much smaller head than looks appropriate.
There are some bad Russian accents. Also loving the neck tattoos, cus as we all know, Russians love neck tattoos.
I’m loving Batista vision.
This lift is not lit well.
Well that was fairly brutal, shame we had to have Bourne-esque shaky cam whipping around the whole time.
Gotta love rich people listening to cellos, we know that’s all they do.
Feel like Sean Pertwee should be in this, he’d have been perfect.
“Andre this is no time to be taking shit” said in a heavy Russian accent is my favourite film quote ever.
Now we’ve got the villain and hero talking on the radio from Die Hard.
Why has tree trunk arms got the smallest gun, or is it just that it looks small.
I’m disappointed by the lack of badass one liners.
Also where’s Pierce Brosnan, we saw him for like two seconds. At this point it feels like he just turned up to watch the game and they stuck him in. Perhaps he only fancied one day of filming.
Now we have the dropping the body out the window, or in this case off the roof, to convince the cops there’s a situation from Die Hard.
Ray Stevenson’s accent is rubbish.
Why, when this is a Sky cinema Film, could they not use Sky Sports and Sky Sports pundits for the tele bits? Feel like this was a PR decision. Ah, perhaps it’s that Jamie Redknapp didn’t fancy getting executed.
There’s no way you’d get booze from outside into a football stadium, they proper patted my nan down at the football before, so a chavy teen isn’t getting booze in, no way.
“He was given extensive plastic surgery” to become Pierce Brosnan. So this is the get us our terror friend or we’ll do a terror thing from Die Hard 2.
I do like that they’ve used time to give some tension, at least makes the match seem useful as a plot device. Although I’m sure at 89 minutes it’ll look bad but all be good by 90 minutes, or 94 if we get to have added time, if they’ve considered that.
Where did that bike come from?! Also they paid for two tribes, they’re gonna use it (it played over the intro too).
Why haven’t they used the match commentary to narrate the action more, feels like a missed opportunity. At least they’ve done it at a key moment.
God Brosnan’s accent’s the worst yet.
I’d be a lot more concerned for the kid if she could act.
What is Pierce Brosnan?
Ray Stevenson looks genuinely pissed off here, like he just wants to go home and this scene’s taken all night.
That bullet could have easily shot Brosnan, they seemed to forget bullets travel a distance, that’s how they work.
Batista in a flat cap is my new favourite thing.
Well I didn’t see that coming…
Those effects kind of muted the impact a little.
Told you it would all be ok.
What was the final score, we never found out!!
Well that was fine. I’m disappointed it wasn’t terrible cus I’d come up with “Final Score, more like Final Bore” and now that doesn’t work (I feel your pain -the editor). I’m torn on recommending it purely because there are far better things to watch if you want an action film, and if you’ve seen any Die Hard film you know exactly how it’s going to go. I feel bad constantly bringing up another film, but it all clearly wants to be the next Die Hard. But to be fair, there were some nice crunchy fight scenes and the bike chase was a nice touch. However it’s wrapped up in a film that a little too basic in its presentation, none of it looks interesting and there are some bad effects and green screen backdrops that sucks out any tension. This wouldn’t be a problem if the film had a more fun tone. Yes Faisal is a nice comedy relief character but he’s the only comedy character which is a little troublesome in and of itself. I feel this needed to have more of a classic 80’s action edge, Batista needed to have some nice post fight one liners in the vein of Willis and Arnie. Guardians of the Galaxy proved he has impeccable comic timing and I just wish he’d been given more to do here. It’s the same with the Russian baddies, the accents are too bad to be taken seriously but they aren’t chewing the scenery enough to be entertaining. Overall if you’ve got nothing to do on an evening and you have Sky Movies watching this with some beer and crisps would be fine. But I wouldn’t in any way recommend seeing this is the cinema, it’s not good enough and not really cinematic enough. It’s a straight to DVD film that wouldn’t get any attention if it wasn’t on Sky. Hopefully Sky can pull their finger out and try and get some decent films made if they want to compete with Netflix in this arena.