No review today

No new review today, I’m afraid. I have to be up earlier than a wine induced headache will allow. Your visit here wasn’t wasted, however, as you can help decide my next film to review. Choices are:

The Pact – a supernatural horror about a woman meeting a demonic force at her family home. Has Caity Lotz and Casper van Dien.

Master of the World – Vincent Price and Charles Bronson in a zeppelin threatening to destroy people if there’s no peace.

Mirror – Tarkovsky’s semi autobiographical piece on childhood, memory, family and the state

The Pyramid – A horror set in a pyramid. No cast listed in the Film 4 synopsis.

The first Harry Potter film, whatever it’s called.

[yop_poll id=”2″]

Kong – Skull Island A Drunk Review

It’s Hell in the Pacific!

That’s a big monkey.

Thomas Mann. World’s worst superhero.

I’ve seen some bad credit sequences recently. This is not one of those.

I like John Goodman. A lot. I always feel I’m in good hands with John Goodman. There are exceptions, but generally he’s good.

It’s interesting they’ve chosen the 70s. Maybe it’s the Faye Dunaway thing.


They seem to be trusting the audience to connect the dots about characters after some of the ‘on the nose’ stuff I’ve seen recently.

Those neon lights on the glass booth are really nice. Kind of brings the 1st and 3rd world in one image.

If ever they film The Honourable Schoolboy, I think Tom Hiddlestone is the man. I didn’t think he was tough enough before, but I think he could do it. I don’t think he was in Tinker, Taylor, Soldier, Spy, anyway, which is a plus. They won’t film it anyway, so…

If they ever do a film about thingy Robbins, the self help guy, the chap from this from Dead Man’s shows is (sorry) a shoe-in.

It’s Colonel Deckard in the A-Team (who, in the end, saw them for who they really are), not Colonel Packard.


Cliche warnings – a Vietnam soldier who is short, and letters from home, but to be fair, for a blockbuster, this film is doing a good job of building a group of three dimensional characters without resorting to telling as opposed to showing.

You do know, however, that at some point, King Kong will do the Punch Punch Roar thing that all monsters have to do now.

Music is good. Very good.

Oh. Deer.

Treemendous shot by King Kong.

Again, credit to the film makers. They’ve given the appearance of Kong the impact it should have. That moment between Samuel L Jackson and Kong wasn’t immense. That whole sequence was superb.

Guy from Boardwalk Empire rocks. It was indeed an unconventional encounter.

Did call it Kong as opposed to King Kong for the Vietnam connection?

That’s a big bison. What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison? You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo (works better with a Black Country accent).

A Stargate!

Did King Kong ever have a mommy and a daddy?

My fiancee’s gran was Edgar Wallace’s nurse. Wonder what he’d make of the remakes. I think if he saw this he’d be happy.

Was that Mr Andrew Mrs Kong in that picture?

Does Samuel L Jackson have a fixed age, or can he change it at will?

John C Reilly rocks. Natural in comedy, but, if you watch Magnolia, a very good serious actor.

I found a lighter like that once, but I don’t know where it is. Maybe I lost it and someone else has it. Maybe it just travels the earth.

Wait. I don’t think they’d have built that wall with a river exit in mind.

Wait. Is there going to be a stupid coincidence? Please no. You’ve done well so far.

That boat reminds me of something from Star Wars, but I can’t remember what.

John C. Reilly is great. I know I’ve said it before, but he was just great again.

Two skeletons is not a mass grave, so no. You can’t recognise one.

Never smile at a crocodile. But click flash rather than tick tock.

I don’t recognise the photographer. I probably should. She’s good though. Not a generic token female or anything. She’s not had the ridiculous transition to a badass a lot characters like her would have. She doesn’t have much to work with but is doing it well (and that’s no dig at the scriptwriters either – it’s good they have tried to suddenly make her some kind of warrior her character wouldnt naturally become).

King Kong is not the only classic they’ve drawn from. They’ve thrown in Moby Dick and Apocalypse Now. I’d love to elaborate, but spoilers. Maybe over a beer.

Chekhov’s Revolver just turned up.

Was geeky engineer type told to watch the chap who wanted to be a sous chef in Apocalypse Now?

They didn’t do the crappy coincidence or punch punch roar! We’ll done. I really enjoyed this. Nice change from last three films.

Zuncho Mulbec-£5 from Asda. Ok. A little dry and a little bland, but what do you expect from a £5 wine?

Earth Vs The Flying Saucers

Should you judge a recorded film by the adverts preceding it? If so, I’m in for a bumpy ride. It was for a shower head. Or for a shower head cleaner. Or something.

Earth Vs the Flying Saucers is quite an optimistic title, in a way. It suggests that Earth is a unified thing rather than a bunch of smaller things clumsily trying not to blow each other up.

Ooh. Stock footage.

Those flying saucers fly like pr**ks.

Some good body acting there (I assume there’s a proper name for that). These scientists appear to be in a classroom. Hemispheric Defense Command (sounds like the earth is at least 50% united) have said that flying saucers are to be fired at on site. They haven’t done anything other than fly like lunatics.

They just buzzed the protagonist and his wife. She’s a bit startled now, so he’s taken over driving. Because he’s a man and therefore not prone to fits of hysteria. He’s just convinced her they didn’t see anything anyway.
Ok. Confused. The voiceover at the beginning kind of said that everyone is aware of the flying saucers, but now the scientist doesn’t believe in them.

Mrs.Scientist’s dad, a general, has turned up to stop Dr.Scientist launching a rocket. She’s told them they were married last night. He’s fine with that and forgotten about the rocket.
If you were launching a rocket, would you leave off a spur of the moment marriage until afterwards. In fact, I don’t think they’re taking these rocket launches seriously at all.
Actually, this (the second in the film) rocket launch is taking a little longer.

The humans just opened fire on an alien who was just wandering about. With a flak gun. Our xenophobia is the cause of this was. Now the aliens are going all Just Cause 3 on this base.
The aliens have taken their fallen comrade and taken him home. Probably to tell his alien wife and son.

It looks like the aliens captured General Doctor’s Wife. The aliens are saying that they attempted contact. Is this going to be a film about misunderstanding and xenophobia? I don’t want moralising. If I wanted that, I’d watch Grange Hill.

Right. So. 1 alien killed (plus an alien widowed and an alien child orphaned) along with various humans killed because the aliens played their message at the wrong speed, and the American military was trigger happy.

The actors in this scene have been told that no two are to look at the same spot at the same time while Doctor Scientist is talking?
“Hello? Yes? This is General Moustache.”
I hope the aliens are just pretending to be nice. The film title promised conflict.
I don’t understand the geometry of this flying saucer.

Were the Eiffel Tower and Houses of Parliament designed for UFOs to fly past? Cause they always do. Every UFO film, UFO fly by. Guaranteed.

Nope. The aliens ARE b*****ds. Cool. I know these stories are meant to have a skeptical hierarchy, but this is taking it a bit far. If you imagine Scully and multiply that a thousandfold, you have these generals. You’d think the president and too brains from around would be involved.

Stock footage!

Actually, at this time, wouldn’t America have a bunch of Scientists with German accents to help?

There’s something pitiful and dejected about the way these aliens walk. Must be because they’re from a dead solar system. Also, they just took off and left one behind.
Gone. And all they left was his walking stick.

This translation machine has lovely handwriting.

I’m sure I recognise Major Brylcreem, but I’m not sure where from.

“Has anyone tried that helmet on?” Yeah, right. If someone got hold of an alien helmet, who wouldn’t try it on? If someone leaves their glasses, you try them on and prance round pretending to be them.

“Now we must address the racial stereotypes.”
Dear Lloyds TSB, I will not sign up to any of your products unless you bin off those adverts with the insipid cover versions.

They could have reduced the budget by having just one actor instead of two there. It was like they were alternating lines from the same character.

Whoah. That looked like stock footage of real planes being shot down. I hope not because it’d mean real people dying.

Those cannons are no good against UFOs. Like bows and arrows against the lightning, as David Essex once said. Uulaaah!

You can tell Doctor Science means business. He’s ditched his lounge wear for a leather jacket.

My God! The cast of West Side Story just got killed by debris. Cravats and all.

I wish I had a pizza. Pepperoni.

Add that Washington needle thing to the list of stuff for UFOs to fly past. Maybe it’s phallic symbols they like.

I regret not getting Ray Harryhausen’s autograph when I saw him. It’s easy to laugh at old effects now, but guy was a legend.

I haven’t seen this much chaos in Washington since Trump last did anything.

Oh. Aliens defeated.

Doctor Scientist has been awarded a Gold medal by the President, apparently. Is fighting off alien invasions an Olympic sport now?

Wait.. A Columbia film by Sony?

Banrock Station Shiraz. About £5 from Asda.

Wait. I don’t think General Father-in-Law was ever rescued. AND NOBODY CARED!