Monday Update 27/11/2017

Look at what I have to endure for you…

It’s another Monday update (if I can publish it in the next 3 hours). Saturday’s film was Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, which was atrocious. You can read the review here – Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. I’m thinking of putting some films I might actually enjoy in future polls. I did used to believe that life was too short to waste on bad films and TV… Admittedly, some of them amuse me. Some I’ve actually enjoyed, too. I’m also considering live tweeting or doing a podcast or something, but I’m not sure yet. For a start, it’d be difficult to tweet and write a review at the same time, and people would struggle to understand my accent (especially when drunk) and there’d probably be dead air. Tweeting might make sense, as it could be a communal thing. I am going to try and keep you all informed of where the films are available. Usually I prowl the Horror Channel, Netflix and Amazon Prime. I’ve set Pernicious to record tonight on the Horror Channel at 10:45 and that will probably feature on the poll next week.

Anyway, your film choices are:

The Possession of Michael King (I will type Michael Knight at some point by mistake, I’m sure). Recorded off the Horror Channel, it’s about a chap who doesn’t believe in demons, so gets himself possessed to prove himself right, or something. I suppose that’s the reverse of Pascal’s Wager.

Jessabelle. A woman is involved in an accident that leaves her crippled, so she goes home to recover, only there’s something terrible there. This is on Netflix.

Left Behind. Nicholas Cage stars in this adaptation of a book by some ultra Conservative Christians. It’s about the rapture and people being… Left Behind. For a joke, I started reading the book once, but it was horribly written and steeped in intolerance. Again, it’s on Netflix.

America 3000. It’s America. It’s 3000 AD. Women have taken over. Probably because the man in charge of the most powerful nation on earth is doing such a bad job. Another for Netflix.

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
Start date 27-07-2017 18:30:09
End date 22-12-2017 19:59:59
Poll Results:
What review would you like to see on the weekend after 22/12/17

Monday Update 20/11/2017

Good afternoon! It’s that day of the week again.

Knucklebones
Knucklebones

It’s still Monday, so this is still a Monday update, OK?

Friday’s review was Knucklebones. Felt a bit sad about it not being very good, as it was obviously a labour of love for him, but not anyone else involved. Orc Wars was ditched from the list. Shame, as that would have been awesome. Added are Jessabelle, which is on Netflix and Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, which apparently has some quality Nicholas Cageism.

Turns out I didn’t upset Kandyce McClure with my review of Children of the Corn (she spoke to us via twitter – @corkingmovies if you’re interested), she thought the writing and direction sucked too.

Anyway, voting can be done over at Corkingmovies.com (and despite the conspiracy theorists, it’s not rigged). Also, any suggestions for future films, or even themes, are welcome (I don’t do intentionally bad ones though.)

Oh, and it’ll be Saturday I watch the next film – post football.

The Possession of Michael King – from the Horror Channel. Some chap (Michael King – who I assume rules over Michael Knight) gets possessed in order to prove the supernatural doesn’t exist. That’s what it says anyway. Doesn’t make much sense to me.

The Ouija Possession – Amazon Prime. Some kids play with a ouija board and release a vengeful spirit. Apparently this is a film that was released 4 years previously under a different name…

Ghost Rider – Spirit of Vengeance – Can’t remember. Film 4, I think? Johnny Blaze riding round the town with his head on fire in Eastern Europe. Probably because it’s cheaper to film there.

Jessabelle – Netflix. Girl is involved in a car crash. Goes to her childhood home, where there’s a ghost or something.

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
Start date 27-07-2017 18:30:09
End date 22-12-2017 19:59:59
Poll Results:
What review would you like to see on the weekend after 22/12/17




Monday Update 13/11/2017

Monday update time.

So, Friday I watched Starry Eyes, which I really quite enjoyed. The Hellraiser draw has been made, and the winner notified. My Bloody Valentine has been removed from the poll, and two new films added- Knucklebones and The Possession of Michael King.

I had a bit of an awakening, I suppose, when one of the lead actors of Children of the Corn (Kandyse McClure) said she might read the review. It’s not a complimentary review (see here – Children of the Corn – A Drunken Review), though, and it made me wonder. Does what I do upset the people involved? Or is it dismissed as the drunken ramblings that it is (by someone who hasn’t even finished his first script)? There have been a couple of films that have annoyed me, as they appear to have been made without any intent to entertain (namely Crystal Skulls and Viking Quest), but genuinely, I think films are made by people who love cinema. I’ve always had a bit of mixed feelings about critics of any art form, as art is subjective, and some see their word a gospel and have turned written cruelty into an art (I think they tend to work for the New Yorker and the Spectator), often making ad hominem attacks on those involved.

Anyway, enough introspection…

Knucklebones – Recorded from the Horror Channel. This was a reader request. A group of students summon a demon whilst playing with dice. They probably had a low wisdom stat or something.

The Possession of Michael King – from the Horror Channel (Tuesday 14/11 11:20)Some chap (Michael King – who I assume rules over Michael Knight) gets possessed in order to prove the supernatural doesn’t exist. That’s what it says anyway. Doesn’t make much sense to me.

Orc Wars – Recorded from the Horror Channel. Some special forces chap goes and lives in a remote cabin and ends up having to protect the world from orcs.

The Ouija Possession – Amazon Prime. Some kids play with a ouija board and release a vengeful spirit. Apparently this is a film that was released 4 years previously under a different name…

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
Start date 27-07-2017 18:30:09
End date 22-12-2017 19:59:59
Poll Results:
What review would you like to see on the weekend after 22/12/17




Monday Update 06/11/2017

It’s another Monday Update (you’ll have to imagine your own jingle).

So, on Friday, and, after falling asleep in my armchair, Saturday, I reviewed Children of the Corn. It wasn’t good. It really wasn’t good. The actual review was even more nonsensical than usual, too, with politics and all sorts.

The competition to win a copy of Hellraiser Revelations on Blu Ray is coming to an end. Details on how to enter are here – Corking Movies Halloween Giveaway. It’s worth watching. Honest.

There’s a new film poll below (as you can probably see), so if there’s any of these films you haven’t seen, don’t want to see, and wish someone else would endure for you, click below. Truth or Dare has slid off the list and into obscurity.

Progress on the zombie game continues. Still no lovely front end. When it’s done, the game will be made available to download from here.

The official Corking Movies Zombie Game
This poll is closed! Poll activity:
Start date 27-07-2017 18:30:09
End date 22-12-2017 19:59:59
Poll Results:
What review would you like to see on the weekend after 22/12/17

Starry Eyes (The Horror Channel)

Ouija Possession (Amazon Prime)

Orc Wars (The Horror Channel)

My Bloody Valentine (The Horror Channel)

Monday Update

Happy Monday everyone.

This weekend, I watched not one, but two dreadful movies, to round off the Halloween Specials – firstly, Maximum Overdrive, which was so bad Stephen King condemned it himself. Secondly, Hellraiser Revelations, which was so bad Clive Barker condemned it. See, I’m not afraid to watch films condemned by those involved (well, with Hellraiser Revelations, it was very much out of Barker’s hands). The Maximum Overdrive review can be found here – Maximum Overdrive. The Hellraiser Revelations review will be up tomorrow. If you fancy winning something that brings more misery than the Lament Configuration, I’m going to be giving away the review copy to one lucky subscriber. Click here for details Hellraiser Giveaway

For a break from the awful movies I’ve been watching, I went to see Blade Runner 2049. I’m a massive fan of the original and own numerous copies, so was trepidatious about seeing it. The Matrix Trilogy demonstrate how poor sequels can destroy the original. I shouldn’t have worried. Blade Runner 2049 is superb. For sheer spectacle it is amazing. My (sober) review can be found here – Blade Runner

Near the bottom of this post is the poll for the next film to be reviewed. They are:

Children of the Corn. This is the 2009 remake of the Stephen King film about satanic children (aren’t they all?)

Truth or Dare. Some rich kids play a game of Truth or Dare that turns to the extreme.

Orc Wars. Some special forces chap fights orcs. With guns. Seems a bit one-sided to me.

My Bloody Valentine. A group of friends call forth a legendary killer. Idiots.

So, that’s the Monday update. If there’s any films you’d like me to review drunk, or have any suggestions for the site, pop a comment below. Have a wonderful Halloween.

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
Start date 27-07-2017 18:30:09
End date 22-12-2017 19:59:59
Poll Results:
What review would you like to see on the weekend after 22/12/17

Monday Update – 23/10/2017

It’s a Halloween Monday Update!

So, Bill Sage, who plays the father in We Are What We Are (Saturday’s review) read the review, and I don’t think he was too impressed. He was polite enough about it though…

Not a fan…

The review can be read here –

The vote for Friday’s review is up and you can select a film at the bottom of this post. If you’re from the UK, you can still register for the mailing list for a chance to win Hellraiser Revelations on Blu Ray (the copy used to review) by clicking on the link on the left if using a standard browser, or from the button with the three lines at the top right if using a mobile browser.

Other than this blog, and real life, I’m working on a zombie survival game. At the moment, I’ve just got the spread of zombies algoryhtm going (it may need tweaking to make the game longer or shorter, and, if you try it with the population of the world, it takes a long time to reach The End). I’ll be posting updates on it as and when there’s something to update you on.

The Corking Movies Official Zombie Survior Game (WIP)

As well as We Are What We Are, I did watch The Babysitter on Netflix last night. Found it enjoyable in a Tucker and Dale vs. Evil sense, if not groundbreaking. I’d recommend it if you have an hour and a half to spare.

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
Start date 27-07-2017 18:30:09
End date 22-12-2017 19:59:59
Poll Results:
What review would you like to see on the weekend after 22/12/17

Monday Update 16/10/2017

It’s a Monday update!

Firstly, following Corking Movies. There are several ways you can follow Corking Movies now.

RSS Feed – http://feeds.feedburner.com/CorkingMovies
Twitter – @CorkingMovies
Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/search/top/?q=corking%20movies
Email Subscription (if you are from the UK and sign up to the mailing list, you will be entered into the draw for the Blu Ray copy of Hellraiser Revelations used to review).

Secondly, there is a new poll for the next film to watch (this is going to be on 21/10). Click here for descriptions of the films.

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
Start date 27-07-2017 18:30:09
End date 20-10-2017 19:59:59
Poll Results:
What should be drunkenly reviewed next?

Last week’s review is available here – 13 Eerie Drunken Review

Monday Update 09/10/2017

The Legacy - House of Hell
Another 80s game geek reference. Lose one sanity.

The first Corking Movies Halloween special (spooktacular) was a doozy. Troll 2 has long been known as one of the worst films of all time. It was even the subject of an entertaining documentary entitled Best Worst Movie). It has attained cult status, giving rise to fan festivals, special screenings and its cast revel in their notoriety. As you can imagine, it was enjoyable to watch drunk, and the review is below.

Continuing our October Halloween theme, I’ve prepared the new poll. Billy Zane and Red Clover have been removed from the list having garnered no votes. I’m sure Billy Zane will appear here again. His is an odd tale, to me. He’s a decent actor, but whether it’s through bad decisions, bad advice or whatever, he’s been in a lot of bad films (and his name is tainted as such). So, in place of Red Clover and Troll 2, we have 13 Eerie (no score on Rotten Tomatoes) and The Day (29% on Rotten Tomatoes).

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
Start date 27-07-2017 18:30:09
End date 13-10-2017 19:59:59
Poll Results:
What should I watch for the next Halloween Special?

Child’s Play

As a horror fan, this is one of those films I’ve just never got round to watching. For those that don’t know, it’s about a killer doll, voiced by the fantastic Brad Dourif. It spawned many sequels.

I Am The Pretty Thing That Lives In The House

This is a Netflix special about a writer of ghost stories who moves into a house with a ghost. I expect one of those book signing endings that all films with writers in have. And jump scares and close up over the shoulder shots (you know the one, where the viewer can see what’s behind the protagonist).

The Day

This is a post apocalyptic horror, so bad haircuts are guaranteed. It’s about a bunch of survivors holes up in a farmhouse with bad guys outside.

13 Eerie

Some FBI forensic wannabes are sent to an island for some test or another. Turns out some illegal experiments were done there. One of the cast is listed as ‘Skinhead Nazi Zombie’, so that may give you some idea.

Monday Update 02/10/17

As you may have read by now, Viking Quest was as awful as expected. Sadly, it forced me to dwell on my past as a goth (it was the 90s. It was allowed). I haven’t dug out my painted leather jacket (although it is well painted) and taped up combat boots though. Nor has it got me listening to Sisters of Mercy and The Mission.

As it’s October (already?), this month will be dedicated to Halloween films. I’ve even ordered a copy of Hellraiser 9. It’s the only Hellraiser I haven’t seen, and the last few I only watched out of duty, and with trepidation.  I’m not going to put it on this week’s poll, as there’s a good chance it may not arrive in time.

I did watch some films sober this week. Firstly, I Daniel Blake. As you’d expect from Ken Russell, it’s a dark and gritty realist social drama. Well worth watching. Secondly, Alien Covenant. There was a good film there somewhere, but they buried it, and, in doing so, trashed the Alien mythos. Nice Blade Runner reference though. Finally, Free Fire. Highly enjoyable shoot out in a warehouse. The writers take what would be a ten minute scene in a film and make a full film out of it. It is never anything less than entertaining.

As ever, if you do have any recommendations for films, the site, wine, email me at christianATcorkingmoviesDOTcom.  If you’d like a link on here, let me know.

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
Start date 02-10-2017 09:30:09
End date 06-10-2017 21:59:59
Poll Results:
Next Film To Review (Horror Special #1)