01/09/2017 Review

There’s been no poll this week, as I’ve forgotten what’s on my planner. I know there’s some 70s British horror and some modern English horror, as well as a found footage horror and a film called Viking Quest, which I’m sure was the film Bunny out of Platoon was in in Entourage.

100 Million BC – A Drunken Review

I’ve heard about Asylum Films. Not complimentary things.

The opening credits are very confident. Very bombastic.

Resident Evil door sound!

OK Sergeant Wikipedia, you can shut up now.

Is this supposed to be in the past, or is he supposed to be 87? They’ve sent people back 70 million years? In a film called 100 Million Years BC?

Are you wearing your glasses or not? Make your mind up.

Corporal Moustache is confused. Colonel Smiley seems a bit embarrassed by the whole affair.

An advert there for a coffee machine with the strap line “Be Your Own Barista.” Is that like representing yourself?

We also have Private Tall and Private Pretty Boy. I bet Lieutenant Area Sales Manager will survive.

Private Pretty Big wasn’t first.

Wait. You know own that thing you said you needed to survive? Where is it?

Yeah, I bet you feel like dicks for laughing now, don’t you?

Oh, so it’s Petty Officer Pretty Boy.

Some of them have died. I’m not sure who and how many. They don’t seem to care, so why should I? Private Tall is dead and so is Lieutenant Area Sales Manager. Looks like a field promotion for Sergeant Wikipedia.

How long until we get a reference to some American sports team winning something?

I don’t think CGI like this has ever been seen as effective. CGI was meant to be an improvement on stop motion.

“What’s a Soviet?” Really?

Professor Not Hawkeye’s forehead has remarkably defined wrinkles.

When I wrote a short story about dinosaurs, I researched raptors. I was disappointed to find that they probably had feathers.

Was Sergeant Wikipedia going for a trophy by attempting to kill a pterodon with a a grenade?

You wanged a grenade at a flying dinosaur.

You took away 60 hours away from him? You’ve taken away hours from me.

Plus column – four people who would have possibly have died of natural causes rescued. Minus points, a scientist and most of s SEAL team lost, a T-Rex brought into the future

Day to Night
So that’s how they do Day to Night.

Leonard Cohen’s helicopter sees nothing.

Did thermal imaging exist in W2?

Yes… Circle strafe it. Worked against vores.

Quake Vore

How did they not break their ankles jumping about 20 feet out of a helichopper?

Those guys have really shiny helmets. Really shiny.

Isn’t that a Russian jet?

Not sure about the whole chain of command or lack of resources here.

Was that a WW2 bazooka firing fire like a flamethrower?

Wait. If I was under the impression that any of this should make any sense, I’ve screwed that into ball and drop kicked it into a river. I fully expect a Roman legion and some Daleks (English robots – ask your geek friends) to enter the fray.

Steven Moffat, what have you done to us?
A Dalek, tomorrow

Meant to ask earlier, but was there some caveman hairdresser who specialises in surf cuts?

Does a WW2 era half-track go in the plus column? Does it counteract the LAPD helicopter?

Sergeant Wikipedia totally got sidelined for the finale.

Is it true you’re not supposed to salute without a hat?

Benny Hill
An idiot, yesterday

OK. Dudes from the past then the past, staying in the present. What happens with jobs, housing etc? If you’re not on record (ie you don’t exist) how can you get by in the 21st century? Have they been through all that to become homeless?

Helicopter pilot – Astrum Helicopters? Does that mean self flying helicopters?

Who did the catering? I may choose films in the future by who did the catering. And they’re getting a mention on Twitter if I find out who they are.

Didn’t see any mention of catering. Rewinding to watch the credits again. Will never watch the film again. Don’t recommend you watch it. Not angry about this like I was with Crystal Skulls, as you could see the cast kind of cared about what they were doing. Music at the end is some horrid Rush type thing.

Slappa da bass

I can’t see who did the catering. Maybe everyone took packed lunches. Maybe everyone took packed lunches. Cheese and onion sandwiches, Viscount biscuit and Space Raiders.

Space Raiders