Master of the World – a Drunken Review

Vincent Price in an airship threatening to wipe out humanity unless they become peaceful. Where is he when we need him.

Stock footage!

Planes! Planes! Rockets! Seagulls!

So one plane was designed to beat the air up, and another frighten the sky.

What we have here is old footage of rubbish flying machines. With a comedy soundtrack. If. This film had a social message, they’ve lost it.

There’s a poster advertising advertising space in my town with a picture of Vincent Price. It annoys me, as he’s in no position to OK it or otherwise.

Way to tempt fate bloke who probably played a sheriff in a Cannonball Run rip off.

Hey, it’s Charles Bronson. He uses to make cakes for Dick Van Dyke who I’m sure would be annoyed by his son’s behaviour at Southampton.

I’m confused by these glasses of sherry being passed around. It’s like the hat scene in Waiting for Godot. Everyone has ended up with a glass each though.

Did she just say “What makes you think I’m alive?” Maybe she was being portentous, like some sort of Victorian Laura Palmer.

Vincent Price looks weird with a full beard. His body says occult librarian, but his beard says pirate Captain. Maybe he’s an occult pirate captain.

Charles Bronson may be tough, but unless their captors have some crumpets that need buttering, that knife will be of no use.

Why is that door coffin shaped?

This chef is bound to be French.

Yup.

I didn’t realise Vincent Price was so tall.

So. This airship can circumnavigate the world in 10 days. This is based on a book by Jules Verne, who wrote Round the World in 80 Days. Not sure what order he wrote them in, but did he become more ambitious or did his dreams fade?

Is that capstan made of gold?

The prismatic telescope is controlled with lollipop sticks.

“What’s the purpose of the voice magnifier?” asks Charles Bronson. I think I can answer that one.

I thought Vincent Price was about to high five those sailors.

I kind of assume that Charles Bronson is as cynical as the characters he plays in real life.

The galley door is not coffin shaped. If this were a Tarkovsky film I’d assume that meant something.

If you saw Charles Bronson making a move on your fiancee, would you tell her dad, or just take it as one of those things, like if a seagull steals your chips – it’s a force of nature and can’t be fought.

Those dialogue shots didn’t match up. I wish I knew cinema jargon.

He’s declared war on war.

Some of the lighting colour is bizarre. I wonder if this was originally meant to be black and white, or the lighting director was used to black and white.

Charles Bronson’s hair deserves a separate paycheck.

They look like QPR fans.

Gene Wilder and that guy who did Crazy Horses (my memory is rubbish) had a baby and he just got owned by Vincent Price.

This is like being keelhauled but not in water, so more like something in long shorts with highlights might do.

“What is that vibration?” Hope it’s good.

Why doesn’t the current pilot have a full uniform? I think he’s in a Victorian Bee Gees tribute band.

WHO IS THE CHEF TALKING TO? Is he filming a cookery programme on the Albatross?

He’s printed that document in Rockwell Condensed (bold).

POV shots. Is that what they’re called?

Vincent Price’s hat is like a pie crust. His cravat diminishes his threat. Charles Bronson has just threatened to interfere with Vincent Price.

Gas Gene Wilder-Osmond got a spice rack in his bed area?

Someone in the film crew has the job of making the lamps wobble every now and then. It’s sweet as it’s obviously an example of attention to detail, but not that well done.

I’d like to see this film in black and white. I’m sure it was originally meant to be.

Everything is written in Rockwell Condensed. Did they only gave the budget for one font?

“If I thought it over, I might change my vote.”

“I too, vote for destruction.”

Are they Brexit/Trump voters?

Considering his objectives, Vincent Price has put a lot of effort into the uniforms and the aesthetics of his ship.

This battle seems to be being fought on separate continents and biomes. Castle Greyskull is being assaulted from both North African desert and South African plain.

“War. War never changes.”

Mr.Turner is like the midget from The Isle of Doctor Moreau. He’s Vincent Price’s favourite.

Now I think they’re in North America.

I think this bit is meant to be tense, but Vincent Price is out of the picture leaving it to Mr.Turner and that bloke from the Bee Gees tribute band to carry the scene.

Gene Wilder-Osmond doesn’t really care. He’d like that goblin in Labyrinth who pops out, sees Ludo’s boulders and pops back inside.

This screenplay was written by Richard Matheson who wrote I Am Legend (a film adaptation of which had Vincent Price, and a butchering of which had Will Smith). He was also a friend of Rod Serling. Look. There’s an additional break and I can’t be bothered to fast forward, so I’m on IMDB.

Nice tam o’shantas.

“That should give us about 15 minutes.” There’s twenty minutes left of the film. Something’s going to go wrong.

Why is everything cyan (shift+5)?

Gene Wilder-Osmond is a jerk. There’s a conflict between these characters that was resolved an act ago, but it’s back on again for no reason whatsoever. Oh, no, wait. No conflict again. Like Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.

Vincent Price wrote several cookbooks. That French chap looks like the chap from La Haines and Three Kings.

Lindeman’s Tollana. £5 from Asda.

It’s a Draw!

So, Master of the World and Harry Potter – The First One drew. I’ve decided to go with Master of the World as it’s already on my planner and I won’t have to pay money to watch it.