Don’t Kill It – A Drunken Review

Dolph Lundgren fighting a demon? I’m in…

Don't Kill It
Dolph Lundgren and ludicrous net gun

The world won’t miss this guy. I assume he named his dog Titus after Titus Bramble.

This is quite a brutal film. Doing that stupid thing where they add scream and stuff that aren’t affected by either environment or movement.

Dolph’s still got fine hair.

I think that’s the first time I’ve seen a vaping hero.

This music…

Don't Kill It
“First we take 100% American beef*, then we season it with our secret blend of herbs and spices.”
Corking Movies - Evil Lyn
Evil Lyn? Maybe I should do a review of Masters of the Universe soon

That priest is evil. Nailed on…

This film isn’t quite sure where it sits. Having Dolph Lundgren in it obviously says it’s an action film. However, the pace is more of a crime thriller, and its too open to be a horror film.

Why is Dolph a demon hunter? I can’t see it paying – he doesn’t seem well off. He doesn’t seem well off- he was quite casual about it. Ah. It’s a family thing. Like the Winchesters.

I reckon the first victim in Dolph’s description of the demons is the director.

When I said the film didn’t know where it sits, I think it’s more of a case of the writer/director not wanting to take the shackles off. Whilst there’s an argument for audiences wanting more sophistication and realism in their horror, I think there are times where you just need to scrap that and go for it.

Deer’s head on the wall? Can’t help but think of Deadly Premonition.

“Do you feel it, Zach? My numerous pints of Guinness warned me about it” (this isn’t the first Deadly Premonition reference on here, and it certainly won’t be the last)

Almost constant vaping. Its not as badass as a cigar.

Some nice gore. Now they’re having fun with the whole premise.

So. If the demon moves hosts to the person who killed it, what happens if it dies in an accident? Or of disease? Or old age?

Because the town’s called Chickory Creek, I now have Son of my Father or whatever it’s called stuck in my head

This scene needed a lot more gravity, or to be played entirely for laughs. As it is, it’ somewhere in the middle, which doesn’t work.

This FBI chap is a proper 80s action film douche-bag. If he was older, in his younger days he’d have played a preppy bully, picking on John Cuzack (where is he these days?), then he’d be, well, an FBI guy who gets in the way of the hero, or an EPA agent that frees all the ghosts.

“Yes it’s true. This man has no dick.”

I didn’t hate that. It wasn’t great and I wouldn’t recommend it. When it was fun, it was a lot of fun, but there was too little of that.

Sober edit – you know what? I would recommend it, because the fun bits are worth enduring the meandering bits.

*I was a bit worried doing an image search for “American beef”…

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