Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance -A Drunken Review

Looks badass, right?Wrong.

Hyde Park entertainment. What did I watch by them that was awful?

Marvel Knights. Kind of like they’re trying to keep this separate. They should do a Moon Knight film, only a) they’d probably have to arm wrestle Sony for the rights and b) they know I’d kill them if they got it wrong. If Rob Lowe was younger, he’d probably be a good Marc Spector.

Monks in a High Tech Bunker. That’s the name of my prog-industrial band. We’re a bit like Download.

The Eyes of Stanley Pain

They just shot Anthony Stewart Head. He probably asked them to, so he could escape this film.

So, Ghost Rider punishes people who download illegally? Or is that the film company? This whole opening is a sad attempt at trying to emulate the opening of Kick Ass.

I get the feeling Idris Elba left the motor running when he did his bit.

Was this filmed on an iPhone? Not even a knew one or anything.

Kajagoogoo is the highlight of this film so far.

Hey! It’s Jean Reno’s older brother.

How can a flaming skeleton overact? I’m impressed.

How can this Nicholas Cage be the same one as in Leaving Las Vegas, Raising Arizona and Wild at Heart? He obviously can act. Do directors make that much difference, or is he taking the piss?

Cage keeps grabbing his hand. Is he having a stroke? Also, is his hairdresser the same one Brad Dourif used in Dune?

Never read any of the books. Do I have enough time left on earth to read them all?

The power of the deal? Isn’t that Donald Trump’s book?

I there a name for the sort of lighting they use when they’re working in a small area to make it look like a big area, only it doesn’t work?

HE’S SCRAPING AT THE DOOR!

That is some prime Nicholas Cage overacting. Not quite Wicker Man, but not far off.

Is he Scottish or Slavic, or both? Yeah. The thing about an indestructible good guy against some low rent mooks is that there’s no threat. Struggling to get through this. There’s no real drive. No goal. No motivation. NO POINT. Apparently Nicholas Cage has quit making Ghost Rider films. Watching this, I think he already had.

No! Don’t bring him back from the dead! He can’t act! Oh. You’ve not only done that, you’ve made him look like Ron Perlman in Beauty and the Beast.

Taking a brief break from owning Donald Trump

I was wrong. It was filmed on a GoPro. Hey look! It’s Raiden.

Heh heh heh

Are there no black actors from French speaking nations? Idris Elba is a good actor. He was Stringer Bell, for God’s sake, but his accent is awful.

This subterranean cave with no discernible lighting source is well lit.

Oh. Looked down to write the above. Looked up and there’s a bad metal video on. Oh. No. Wait. It’s still Ghost Rider.

I might do a Nicholas Cage special in the future. Not watching The Wicker Man again though, so screw you.

We’re near the end. Can’t wait.

FFS. If my four year old wrote this script, I’d ground him and make him do it again.

Wilhelm Scream. Ordinarily, this would fill me with joy, but here it is cynically, soullessly used. Couple of shots there look like they were from a good film. So incongruous.

Did he just send the Devil to Hell? Where he’s kind of a big deal? Not much if a struggle either.

It takes two directors to make a film that bad.

I hope there was no catering.

Still not sure why it was in Eastern Europe. I assume it was budgetary reasons.

There was catering. By Dada Catering. Apt. Duchamp put a toilet in a gallery. This film belongs in a toiet.

I can imagine the directors say ‘bro’ a lot, but are too old to.

Again, this film is so bad it has annoyed me. I hope the directors are never employed in the movie industry again.

Weirdly, film stops and Idris Elba is on. In two minutes, he’s out acted his Ghost Rider self.

Guinness – Royal Oak (Cannock), Emerald Club (Wolverhampton), Molineux Stadium (5-1 vs Bolton), Emerald Club again, then finally back at the Royal Oak.

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
Start date 27-07-2017 18:30:09
End date 22-12-2017 19:59:59
Poll Results:
What review would you like to see on the weekend after 22/12/17

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