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Hell’s Kitty – A Drunken Review

Hells Kitty Official Poster
Hells Kitty Official Poster

Didn’t finish till late, so didn’t get wine. Fortunately, maybe, I have a bottle my son won at a water or wine stall at his school fete. Drinking it, I’m not sure which it was. The price is printed on the foil around the screw top. It tastes like the stuff you have at a wedding reception when you only drink it because you know there’s alcohol in it and you need that little nudge over the edge.

The credits… The music… We’re back in the days when Stephen King spewed films… And seeing the protagonist’s bookshelf, King and Koontz… The writer of this grew up with the same cultural reference as me.

Obviously, we’re not far into this yet, but it’s really got me hankering for that era where horror was fun. Freddy, Jason, the zombie dude from House. They all killed with a smile.

OK. Have to say. The acting is a little rough around the edges from some, but as we are in the camp 80s domain, it’s not as much a bad thing. Binge watch Nightmare on Elm Street and you’ll see worse.

I remember the grip an ex’s cat had over her. I can fully identify with what’s going on. It was always in the room. Always. Maybe they have some sort of evolutionarily developed symbiotic control over humans. They feign love for their owners, who then provide for them. The whole thing is covered in the book Sapiens, how dogs integrated themselves into human culture so that we provide for them. They are therefore, as a species, evolutionarily successful. As is wheat. We cultivate it, spending time to help it thrive. Cattle, we feed it, nurture it, house it. Animals may get treated terribly (don’t eat meat), but, as a species, they ‘win’. The purpose of a species is to spread, to propogate. It’s not about being happy. Sorry. You’re just here to make more of you. If a species grows, it wins.

Michael Berryman! Saw him at Memorabilia. Lovely chap.

Michael Berryman
“This Bud’s for you”

This cheap wine seems to be doing the trick, weirdly. Maybe it’s because it’s because it’s a bit fizzy. Or that I’m just drinking it from the bottle. Or that I’m drinking it on top of a (horrible) craft beer.

“Adrienne Barbeau!”

I loved The Fog. I loved Carnivale. I loved Escape from New York. I loved Cannonball Run. She’s really an 80s icon.


There’s some beautiful lines in this. “I’m terrified of boxes. You never know what’s in them. My husband once brought home a crate.” Even when some of the lesser actors deliver them (that last line wasn’t one of the lesser performances), the writing carries it through. Adrienne Barbeau’s performance there had the feel of a character in a David Lynch film or show. That wonderful stilted soap opera style he does. The mundane delivery of extraordinary lines. A sort of Brechtian thing, breaking down the 4th wall, intentionally breaking reality. It’s one of those things that, if you try and fail to pull it off, it’s awful. With an actor of Adrienne Barbeau’s experience, though, it works well.

Yes! Killer Klown!

The film is limited to one location. I guess that’s a budgeting thing, but if it is, and I were the writer, I think I’d make it more of a plot device. Make the protagonist a prisoner.

It’s Doug Jones! Not in makeup! Not often you see that. His voice is so distinctive though. Like the missing Crane brother. Got to respect a dude who can act in ancient Catalan.

OK. I think the film could quite easily end here. I think it’s drawn on a bit. I’ve enjoyed it and at times have laughed out loud, but I think the fact that it doesn’t have a strong narrative arc is starting to show. I have to admit, I am a little bit booze tired though (plus it’s 3 am and I was at work for 11 hours).

You know, I’ve only ever seen the remake of Children of the Corn for a drunken review. It didn’t review well, but Kandyse McClure was lovely about it.

If you’ve seen The Happiness of the Katakuris, you’ll have some handle on what’s going on at the end here.

The ending poses some of those questions where you start to ask them, then allow them to trail off because you’re not sure you want to know where the answers lead.

Hell’s Kitty had its faults, but I enjoyed it. A case of anti-Gestalt. I think there were times where the lack of a real story arc led to it dragging a bit. I wonder if it’s to do with being unable to predict a sequence of events, and therefore not seeing a narrative arc, so it being impossible to predict how much more there is to go (I think this sentence will make no sense sober, but I know what I mean). There were moments where I genuinely laughed out loud, and not just one or two. As I said earlier, some of the acting was a bit ragged, but it kind of fit and wasn’t too distracting.