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Tom Cruise’s Mummy – A Drunken Review

The Mummy – A Drunken Review

Corking Movies - The Dummy
The Mummy Official Poster

I suppose it’s testament to Tom Cruise’s saleability, and, I have to admit, his on screen charisma, that even being linked to a movement that has some negative press in the way Scientology has, his box office pull has barely dipped.

Ooh! Dark Universe. Is that still going to be a thing?

The Brendan Fraser Mummy films weren’t great. They were an Indiana Jones/Romancing the Stone crossover sort of thing. They were, however, very enjoyable.  It’s a formula that should be fairly easy to get right. I say should, because reviews have not been great. We’ll see though.

I’m guessing the Russell Crowe character is like the Mia of Keague of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Or its Nick Fury.

If ever they do a Slaine film, the guys who did the demon there to do the Horned God.

They keep referring to someone called Henry, who is, I gather, an archeologist.

Corking Movies - The Mummy
There’s only one Henry

Courtney Vance is like a young Ernie Hudson. I met Ernie Hudson once.  Nice chap.

One of the problems with Tom Cruise playing the slightly inept hero (like Indiana Jones, Han Solo or Nathan Drake) is that he’s spent so long perfecting serious that either it’s too ingrained in him, or it’s too ingrained in me, so it feels false.

I was going to say something about the pretty English professor being a stereotype of the genre, but I think with a genre film like this, it’s perfectly fine, expected, even.

When Cruise does his comedy gurning, it’s too much like when De Niro does. Just Wrong. Like I said, they spent too long being cool, being larger than life heroes, or dramatic characters to do what comes to Chris Pratt so naturally. Groucho Marx said, amongst so many other brilliant things, that it’s easier for comedy actors to go serious film than vice versa.

The best mummies were those in The Extraordinary Adventures of Adele Blanc-Sec. I suggest you watch that.

I mentioned Nathan Drake earlier. The pub they’re in is like that at the beginning of Uncharted 3.

Uncharted 3 Pub Brawl

His friend is very reminiscent of American Werewolf in London.

There’s something oddly artificial about when actors speak directly to the camera as if the viewer were the person they’re talking to. I mean, I know it is artificial, but it really looks it.

Has he wandered into Nightmare Creatures?

So Crowe is Henry Jekyl. Guess he would have been the focus of Dark Universe. I do actually wish that it had gone ahead. I think it would have been a modern day League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (marvellous comic. OK-ish film).

Is it wrong that I find undead Sofia Boutelli attractive?

In Egyptian mythology, is Set actually bad? Or is he the Gatekeeper chap? The one who weighs hearts? I like the idea of that. If you believe you’ve done right, that’s fine. It’s all about who you are, not how life has treated you. Totally tosses the stealing a loaf of bread question out of the window.

May be there’s something in Scientology. Cruise is 2 years older than Crowe.

Don’t care if Cruise’s character dies, just stop trashing the National Museum.

I think the main problem wit this is that the action scenes are too low and they aren’t fun.

This is one of those films you sort of forget you are watching.

There was something else I watched where two pupil irisis meant possession. Can’t remember what though.

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