Independence Day 2: Resurgence – A Drunken Review

Independence Day 2: Resurgence

Independence Day 2 Poster

The first Independence Day was enjoyable enough. Never going to go down in cinematic history, but as a Saturday afternoon film? It works. With a simple formula like it had, it would be hard to mess things up, but apparently they have. Let’s see.

I will never purchase this wine again. Every sip causes my nostrils to fold in towards my earlobes.

That’s some quite poor CGI.

Bill Pullman is reading a history of the Luftwaffe. We were meant to see the book. I don’t know why.

We have some ‘regular folk in space’. You know they’ll save the day. I think I recognise one of them from another corking movie review. Now ‘regular folk’ have been grounded. So, they’ll disobey that to save the world.

A prison for aliens?

Jeff Goldblum. He would have stolen the show in Thor: Ragnarok, but Taika Waititi did. Is that Charlotte Gainsbourg?

There’s an alien ship in an area controlled by an African warlord. Sorry, but over 20 years, the US government or someone would have wiped him out.

Regular Guy In Space’s girlfriend belongs in an Asylum film.

“You’re shaking hands with the President.” Heh.

Is Regular Guy in Space a Hemsworth?

“Considering he died in a test flight.” Seriously. Is that how you ask a question of a bloke about his dad in a press conference?

They’re making a big deal of the Chinese/US partnerships.

I just heard a voice and thought it was Brent Spiner. I assumed he wouldn’t be in it. It wasn’t him I heard, but he is in it. I can’t think of anything else he’s been in for a while.

“Could you sound more English please? Our audience is largely made up of idiots. And a drunk but really cool guy.”

An Englishman’s way of speaking absolutely classifies him.
The moment he talks he makes some other Englishman despise him.
One common language I’m afraid we’ll never get.
Oh why can’t the English learn to set a good example to people who’s English is painful to your ears?

I THINK SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN

A really good ending to this would be like the end of Aliens: Book One.

First reaction of humans to something unknown? Open fire. Remember how that worked out in Earth vs. The Flying Saucers?

They blasted it back to Van Der Graaf Generator or something.

So, it seems the African warlord we’ve been involved with is actually one of the nice African warlords, not a bad one.

I think, if they could have, they would have had either Charlie Day or chappy from Parks and Recreations. Instead, they have this guy.

Regular Guy In Space Who May Be A Hemsworth’s girlfriend is the president’s daughter, I think (well, the ex president). I wonder if the original was the only other time she acted. I wonder if Harry Connick Jr. is in this.

They’re making a big deal of Bill Pullman’s speech from the first one. It’s not really a very good speech. This is a good speech.

They’ve stolen the Alien aesthetic.

This sequence looks like the video at the beginning of a themed roller coaster. Or a Cine 360.

William Fichtner showed promise as an actor when he came on the scene, but his career kind of disappeared. He had something like a minute in The Dark Night. He’s a very good actor, but he’s upset someone.

Stuff being sucked into the ship. It’s kind of like Prey. I loved the demo of that, and there was a lot that was cool about the game – the way the story unfolded, the ghost kids, the general setting, but the Native American mysticism seemed a little made up (and maybe offensive) and it took longer to install than it did to complete.

This section of the game freaked me out.

At least Goldblum acknowledged that aliens go for the landmarks. I hope that was a Goldblum improv, as I don’t want to give the writers any credit.

I’m no physicist, but I’m highly dubious of the physics here.

Security on Area 51 seems a little lax.

A bunch of kids. They won’t annoy me. There’ll probably be some whole “children are the future” thing.

There’s an actor who may be Colonel Tigh from Battlestar Galactica, which would be appropriate, because I thought the space battles in Battlestar Galactica were much better than this.

Another crappy speech. They surely had the budget to pay someone who could write a decent speech, rather than just cobble something together and run with it. Tom Stoppard rewrote the dialogue for Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and that was fantastic.

The alien queen’s movement is ripped off that of the true alien queen.

This is no pretender…

Is this your first time at a harvester? (Sober edit –  no idea what I meant here)

We’re losing. We’re being wiped out. We’ll never survive. BUT THEN… SCIENCE! Bill Pullman looks CGI’ed now he’s shaved his beard off.

I’m not so sure why they’re using old technology. I may not have been paying attention.

This space battle is unexciting. Also impressed by how quickly they learned to fly alien ships. I want this to end so I can go to bed.

William Fichtner is doing a Big Speech to people around the globe. Again not well written.

They should have just let Charlotte Gainsbourg use her natural accent. It doesn’t matter where her two dimensional character is from. She’s too good an actress for this tripe. As is Jeff Goldblum, but he has been in some tripe. He gets a free pass though, as he seems like a nice guy (and friends of a friend met him and seem to back this up).

The highlight of the film so far was when I went to the toilet and did a Ric Flair walk back.

WhooooooO!
Whooooo!

End of game boss.

There can’t be 25 minutes of this left. Why is the alien queen chasing the school bus? IT DOESN’T MATTER OTHER THAN MAIN CAST ARE ON BOARD. Alien queen has a Destiny thing going on.

At least you don’t have to buy endless DLC to get to the end of this film.

If it stops more movies like this, I’d help the aliens end the world. It’d be for the greater good.

As plans go, this is right up there with Superman flying round the world until he travels back in time.

There’s shouting! There’s hollering! But there’s no acting.

You have to green screen that? Seriously?

Charlotte Gaisbourg’s character is actually French, it seems.

Five people wrote this script. Five. I bet there were even more doing the catering.

Larry Franco? He should know better.

It takes a lot of people to make a film this bad. There are 18 accountants. Caterers were Roland Gonzalez and Mario’s Catering. I don’t know if Roland works for Mario;s.

With the many people involved, how did nobody say “Look, stop, this is a complete mess.”