The Grand Halloween Finale! – Hellraiser Revelations A Drunken Review

Sober Edit – There are spoilers…

I’m becoming able to judge films by the production company logo. This does not bode well.

Also, a Blu-Ray without a front menu. I’ve just taken about 5 minutes trying to get rid of the subtitles.

I hate these characters and this messy narrative. Not sure which I hate more. One of you is going to win this. And maybe even watch it. If you do, I’d live to hear what you think in the comments below.

This is meant to be some sort of found footage thing, it seems, but there’s no POV that makes any sort of sense. Fat Pinhead is repeating real Pinhead’s script, whicch I think is even worse than if they’d tried to write new dialogue.

I think the girl there, Emma, is meant to be too young for wine, but she looks about 30.

The revelation is that Pinhead has been eating through his guilt and depression and spends his time listening to people acting badly.

Did they actually make this film on purpose?

I think the writers are confusing Mexico with Papa New Guinea.

If you’re going to have this much dialogue, at least try and write something decent. And get someone who can deliver it. And give it some purpose.

I think the whole Lament Configuration and Cenobite purpose has become lost. It’s supposed to be for people wishing to pursue the extremes of experience (and, I think, though many would disagree, 1, 2, 6 and 7 were the only ones that actually did that). Now, it’s more like a magic Rubik’s Cube and the desire, the urges of the person using it aren’t important. The Lament Configuration used in this is like one of the replica props you can buy (that I have somewhere. My parent’s house, I think).

I’ve never thought of the Cenobites as being evil. As Pinhead says “You summoned us, we came.” They are agents of desire. They are the ones that have been through the torture and ascended to something else. What they do is strip away humanity until you become one of them. In Hell on Earth, we saw Pinhead become Pinhead. He sought it. There was no real puzzle to him – the Cenobites saw potential in him and led him to it. It’s why they didn’t take Kirsty or Tiffany in Hellbound.

Oh shit. That is so soundstage I’m expecting Tommy Wiseau to appear.

You’re tearing me apart!

More dialogue from Hellraiser.

You can almost sort of nearly see that the writers get the source material, but it’s like when you’re trying to remember a name, but you can’t quite.

The original Hellraiser had a lot of time where nothing supernatural was happening. This does too. But Hellraiser was still engaging.

Whoever did the set dressing has never been in a 20-something year old man’s room.

That wine bottle had both a cap and a cork lying by it.

They filmed this in order to keep the license. Was it worth it? Why is Rickety Cricket outside the house?

Let#s Get Weird!

You can tell the writer/director is a makeup effects specialist, as that’s the one thing they’ve got right.

The chap who just got shot remindes me of Wolves legend Andy Thompson.

It seems the son has done all of this because he hates his mom’s cooking.

I was wrong about the makeup. The new Uncle Frank looks like he’s tried to eat a bowl of ham and pickled beetroot without his hands.

“I’ve seen things.”

A reminder I’m going to see another sequel to one of my favourite films tomorrow (sober edit, review here – Blade Runner 2049)

Checking the news on Twitter. Back shortly.

I’m back. Apparently the first arrests in the Trump/Russia investigation on Monday.

The film’s still going. Don’t like the lighting effect on the Lament Configuration. Like that they’ve got the light through the venetian blind effect still. Is it the effect of the place they are in transporting to the Cenobite realm?

No sign of catering. Another one where they had to bring their own?

They drink it on the set of dodgy remakes.

Also, there are “special thanks”, but no apologies.

Remember, you can still win this ‘film’ here –

This poll is closed! Poll activity:
Start date 27-03-2017 18:30:09
End date 09-03-2018 19:59:59
Poll Results:
Film for 09/03/2018

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