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Monkey’s Paw – A Drunken Review

Monkey’s Paw


Oh God. Before I watch this film, I have to address the point that the cover of Where is My Mind on the Galaxy advert is far worse than any horror I’m about to witness.

I was about to discuss Stephen Lang. I get the feeling he’s not a bad actor, but Avatar wasn’t a film intended for actors to act, and I tried to watch that series about the dinosaur planet. I loved the premise, but it just didn’t quite work. So, I kind of connect him with negative stuff.

I think gun nuts are being portrayed in a negative light. Which is cool.

OK. I think this thing might be going for a Tremors everyman humour thing. Which’ll be cool if it works.

I wonder how life would have worked out for me if I’d grown up in a Bayou kind of town. I’m more suited to working in IT than punching alligators.

I wonder if the “I wished for the car on a monkey’s paw and the keys were in it so I assumed my wish had come true” defence would work in court.

“The Defence Rests”

I’ve had “Run to the Jungle” stuck in my head for days now. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if it turned up in this (only they might not have the budget).

The moral of this tale seems to be that monkeys are bastards. They give you a wish, but twist it… Or are they just angry that their hands got cut off? I might become a monkey paw wish consultant. Look for those loopholes.

His ex kind of reminds me of Tara Reid. This isn’t her level of film, fortunately.  Not far off though.

Charles S.Dutton. I like him. Kind of annoyed me that he was just about the only American amongst the convicts in Alien 3, so of course he had to be the good one.

Do people say “having a cob on” in America? Or outside of the Midlands?

Could you say “I wish that my monkey’s paw wishes had no negative effects whatsoever” as your first wish? Or is the monkey paw legal team adept at closing loopholes like that?

“There’s nothing in the contract that says your client’s friend has to be alive when he comes back.”

I suppose I need to sort stuff like that out before I become a a pawyer. If anyone has any names for my monkey paw consultancy, I’d be grateful. Our tagline could be “Get what you want, not what you deserve.”

Did they film all of the scenes with his brother at the same time to save money?

Charles S.Dutton hasn’t featured as much as an actor of his ability deserves. Do the computers in this police station not have any power saving options turned on? They’re all happily sitting on desktop. Don’t think that’d be GDPR compliant. If you want to discuss GDPR, give me a shout. I will be deleting all email subscriptions in order to comply, I think. Haven’t seen any particularly clear guidelines for small websites.

Stephen Lang is just about the only thing that works in this film.

Considering its atmosphere, not much horror has worked out well in New Orleans. Candyman and Preacher. Well, Preacher’s not horror. OK. Not much genre TV and film. Treme was good though. John Goodman was superb.

Sober edit –  my notes stop here. I did watch the whole film. The ending was rubbish.

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